Am I Aware?

Recently, I finished reading “Being Aware of Being Aware” by Rupert Spira. I’ll admit, I wasn’t entirely pleased with it, but it was amusing, at least. For someone who is already familiar with what it means to be aware of being aware, this book is pretty redundant—essentially explaining one relatively simple concept 100 times with several different metaphors. As fun as it is to read different ways to understand awareness, it felt unbearably repetitive at times, and I can see why others would find it tedious.

Nevertheless, I went into it assuming I’d have somewhat of an experience like that (although, I did underestimate how extensive it would be) and decided to read it more just for the entertainment. In which case, I ultimately decided I enjoyed it.

But I also gained some inspiration from it that I wasn’t expecting. The book I finished prior to starting this one was Rachel Pollack’s “A Walk through the Forest of Souls: A Tarot Journey to Spiritual Awakening”, which shows the reader how to work with tarot on a more intuitive level, taking inspiration from every aspect of our lives and experiences, and not just asking the typical questions. It opened my eyes to seeing the tarot as a universal guide to everything, inspiring me to want to ask questions about the complexities of life, itself, in order to gain a deeper understanding of different concepts. So, upon reading about awareness, I thought, “What would the tarot say about being aware of being aware?” And I decided to ask. The answers I received were compelling and matched so well with what I read from Spira’s book, that I had to share them with all of you.

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I planned out the spread similar to how Rachel Pollack did when she would ask her questions, laying out the cards in levels of depth and complexity that helped evolve a story through the reading.

The underlying question that I wanted to answer was “What does awareness look like”. I asked specifically in the context of myself, although the answers were universal to anyone experiencing awareness, so I reframed the questions to apply to all.

In the context of the process of becoming aware—

Question 1: Where do we start? (1 card)

Question 2: What does that awareness look like (3 cards)

Question 3: Where does it lead us? (1 card)

My spread turned out like this:

For the first question, I pulled the Four of Pentacles in reverse. Typically, this card in this orientation represents an inability to let go from fear of lacking something in life, or the fear of not being able to experience the things you wish to experience because of financial needs. A fear that causes you to grip what you fear to lose so tightly, that it ends up slipping through your fingers, anyway. In this context, especially while thinking of Spira’s explanation of the beginning of awareness, the card feels to me as a command to develop the courage to let go. To let those things slip through your fingers. You can only begin to experience true awareness once you gain the strength to let go of that fear—the “lack” mentality—and to leap over that initial hurdle.

Once we pass the fear, we can continue through to cards two through four: Judgement, The Devil in reverse, and the Page of Wands to see what awareness looks like. Meaning that awareness—again, as explained by Spira—is essentially three things: the acceptance of self, release from the fixation of objective experiences, and being open to exploring new things while being aware that awareness permeates every aspect of experience, itself. I actually got chills when I pulled these cards just because of how specific it was.

And finally, where does awareness lead us? To the fifth card—The Tower—to upheaval, change, crumbling away our current foundation so that we can build a new one. A new way to view the world and our lives. A new way to experience happiness. I know many people see The Tower in a reading and immediately break out in a sweat, but I always find this card exciting and it’s one of my favorites to see. Because on the other side of that chaos is opportunity and possibility. A clean slate. Space to build a stronger tower to serve our purpose better in the future. And I think that’s an exceptionally uplifting thought. (I also found the numeral symbology in this card to be particularly fun, as the number 5 is associated most with flexibility and adaptability in the face of constant change).

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Did I absolutely have to pull out the tarot to fully understand the concept of being aware of being aware? No—the spread quite literally just confirmed the entire contents of Rupert Spira’s book. The information was not foreign, but it was cool to receive that confirmation and have an excuse to work with the tarot on more compelling questions. A simple, yet fun, little project of mine. And I encourage you, dear reader, if you do utilize the tarot, to ask similar questions about the universe and any curiosities you have. The cards will answer.