Chaos at Christmas
As non-Christians living in a culture where celebrating Christian holidays is encouraged by the government and employers through mandatory days off work, decorations, and promises of “kid-friendly fun”, it can be difficult to find our place within that world. Part of us may want to celebrate just to appease the overlords but where we stand solid in our beliefs, the temptation to step away and celebrate our own holidays becomes stronger.
The truth is, it’s a blurred line. The crossover between Christianity and Paganism is heavy, and I’m under the impression that mixing the holidays together is a perfectly acceptable option, if that’s more to your taste. For me, however, I prefer to keep the holidays separate, but celebrate both the Winter Solstice and Christmas on their designated days.
In my eyes, Christmas has evolved into more of a plaything—a celebration of magic and the joy of being an imaginative child. Fueled by the sugar-coated stampede of toys and other junk hauled in by the big man with a beard. I don’t associate it with Christian belief systems, as many Americans have come to discard, as well. And yet, we can find the space to come together with our families and celebrate the holiday in these two distinct ways, as one. Insisting upon a third breeds unnecessary trouble for me. Besides, I put higher value on the Solstice and don’t want to contaminate my celebration with things that I don’t care about as much. Santa is for children, so I create that illusion for my daughter to enjoy, and share a special day with her from my own beliefs so that she has a sense of the actual importance behind this season.
Why am I talking about this? I felt the need to describe my viewpoint on the holiday before jumping into a conversation that occurred from visiting my mother for Christmas. She is a devout Christian—raised Catholic but doesn’t currently adhere to any one denomination. While her beliefs are a strict, driving force in her life, she has grown through the years and come to accept that we may not share our beliefs, but we can still find a middle ground to sit and embrace the magic, regardless.
One of the primary things I have come to understand on my journey through animistic heathenry is the importance of chaos in our lives. Chaos has a tendency to follow me wherever I go, and it took a lot of hard lessons to realize the dreaded “everything I touch DIES” syndrome is less of a curse and more of a gift. It is the ability to make things move. To create space that was once filled with garbage from the past, burning it away so that something shiny and new can sprout from the ashes in true phoenix fashion. In the image of the gods, you could say it is the spirit of Loki acting in my life to clear a path for Hel to step in and finish things off. For without them, you could not have the combined energy of Freyr and Freya’s arrival to birth something totally new. Everything is cyclical. In short—we all have our place in that cycle and mine just happens to be as a chaos demon just helping the beautiful earth continue spinning and transitioning as she does.
Now, while we were having our Christmas fun, exchanging gifts and eating our fill of candied popcorn, my mom decided to have a jovial “poke” at herself, stating that she just ruins everything and she’s accepted her fate as a destroyer of worlds, in more or less words. I attempted to bring to her attention that she should admire this fact about herself, but alas, the subject was quickly brushed under the rug and I had to wait to give my piece of advice to her until the day after. To which she was surprisingly thrilled to receive and agreed to move forth in her life as a necessary bringer of ruin and destruction to those things which require it. In the end, my mom learned that it’s not all bad being a chaos demon, and I learned I had more in common with my mother than I previously thought.
To come full circle this holiday season (pun fully intended), remember to not hold grudges against Christianity for “hijacking” the sun’s return in exchange for a bouncing savior-baby, or against the world for transforming our wise-wanderer into the “jolly, old elf”. Find the middle ground with your loved ones and celebrate the magic and the joy together. Learn something new about each other with respect and kindness. And if you or someone you know has a certain energy that is typically considered undesirable yet flows through your life with ease, understand it is only your place in the cycle of life and death and embrace it as another, beautiful, sparkling facet of yourself. Because in the end, that cycle of death and rebirth is really what this season is all about.